Do You Journal? From “Me” to “He” - A key component with journaling to alleviate distress.

Have you ever been so upset that you could not calm down or think straight?  Maybe you wanted to yell or run around the block to release the frustration.   More than likely your thoughts, or your “internal conversation” was in 1st person's point of view, with lots of “I” and “me” statements. Learning to control the emotionally charged response can be as easy as shifting your internal conversations to 3rd person.  How can this change be made? One way to learn how to shift the point of view is by journaling.

The Virtual Counseling Center’s counselors utilize the concept of “3rd person journaling” to demonstrate how much control a person really has over his or her emotions.  Try this activity for yourself the next time you are emotionally charged:  Write about the situation in 1st person, using “I,” “me,” or “my” pronouns.  When the writing is finished, rate your emotional level on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being highly emotional.  Immediately, rewrite the journal entry, but this time employ the 3rd-person point of view, using “he,” “she,” or “they” as the pronouns.  You could even use your name in place of the pronouns. Think of this approach as a reporter’s response to witnessing a situation. Afterward, rate your emotions once more.  Are you calmer?

Typically, the 3rd person writing elicits a much lower emotional experience for our clients. They find themselves relaxed and thinking more clearly after changing their writing point of view.

Some people claim that it is the re-writing of the experience that changes the emotional response.  That’s a valid assumption; however, our data has shown that if the 3rd person is written first and 1st person utilized next – the emotional charge when writing in 1st person is still present.  Try it and see how you respond. 

This activity is amazingly effective because of where the 1st person content comes from: the amygdala, which is the emotional center of the brain.  It is a very small part of the brain, but it sure does create some havoc!  Writing in 3rd person creates some imaginary distance between you and the situation.  You are messaging the amygdala that another person is now engaged in the writing.  The intimacy of the situation is removed.  Writing in 3rd person is more objective, whereas 1st person is more immediate.  Finally, 1st person is less flexible due to the emotional tone, whereas 3rd person provides a more comprehensive view of a situation. 

But – who has time to write? Why journal? Society has become a bit impatient, and we don’t give ourselves enough time to process our emotions – we are in such a hurry that we instinctively go to 1st person. Writing allows us to slow down the process and learn to use 3rd person. 

Here is what we want our clients to recognize:  If the emotional charge can be removed when writing about the situation – it can also be removed by utilizing self-talk in 3rd person.  Here is an example: two students are rushing through their online math assignment and are making several simple mistakes – however, each wrong answer creates more work. Student A (Bob) thinks to himself “I’m an idiot!” and his frustration level increases. Thus, a downward spiral with his frustration, creating more careless mistakes. Student B (John) says to himself, “John has been rushing through his work. He knows how to solve the problems, so he can now slow down and correct the simple mistakes.”  This self-talk will fade the annoyance he was feeling and create a frame of mind to concentrate and complete assignments.

The goal is to transition from journaling in 3rd person to self-talking in 3rd person. By the way, this is also an excellent activity to use with children who are being bullied, or going through a moment of low self-esteem, irritability, or anger.

I hope you try it; I think you will be pleasantly surprised.